the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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