you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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