get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
