my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
