Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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