You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
