saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
