Moan for me like Helen Keller
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
