the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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