Midget sex pt 2 tonight
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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