Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
