I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
