ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
