haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
