I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
