Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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