Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
