Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
