That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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