Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
