Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
