I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
