Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
