I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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