I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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