Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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