Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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