her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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