She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
