this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
