I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
