Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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