Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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