well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
