Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
