I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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