I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
