That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
