I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
