maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
