So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
