i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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