Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
