Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
