I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
