I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
