Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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