i think i have herpe
just one?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
