This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
how drunk are you?
Several
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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