brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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