Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
