Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
