Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
